I'm just buried under work. I promise to blog soon...
Hope all is well!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
God Blessed the Broken Road...
I shared this on Facebook, but wanted to record it here for posterity and to add a bit more background.
Our New Home
Jerod and I got approved to live in a gorgeous apartment. This was the first complex we visited and we fell in love. But we decided to see several more in order to make an informed decision. None of the other places even compared!
The complex is called Broadstone Centreport. It’s a green built community. Basically that means the buildings practice waste reduction and reduce the environmental impact of the home while under construction. This includes: tree preservation and protection, recycling measures, and storm water control systems. The building is designed to conserve water both indoors and out and the homes are built with sustainability in mind. The homes are also very energy efficient and tout improved indoor air quality. There are a lot grassy areas and the buildings are spread out on 22 acres, so it does not feel cramped like most apartments do. We will be moving in August 25! We picked out some great items from IKEA a month or so ago, so I think we are all ready. It’s a one bedroom apartment with small study and a garage, so it feels more like a townhouse. Here is the floorplan:
Our Love Story
So what’s the big deal Nicole? People get apartments everyday. This is true. And I’ve lived in tons of apartments, but primarily by myself. My brother and I were roomies for a while which was a blast, but I’ve never lived with a boy.
For the longest time, I avoided relationships like the plague. And I mean like 8-9 years long time. I was terrified of getting hurt and just not motivated to put the work in to really even try. I would either break up with someone or stop seeing them at the first hint of difficulty. Or completely sabotage things so the boy would break up with me and ease the guilt I carried. So, yeah, I was pretty damaged. I think some of this stems from a distrust of men and my parents’ divorce and how I chose not to deal with it. I am certainly not blaming them, I take full responsibility for all my nonsense, but I can see how I may have come out of things quite jaded and cynical about monogamy.
As I mentioned before, I started getting my life back together a few years ago. I met Jerod after I moved back to Texas, I do not recall the actual first time we met. He has known my family for years and was great friends with my brother when he lived here. But I did not really know him, just casually. One day at pool, we started talking and something sparked. We were pretty much inseparable after that. I was scared, nervous, skeptical, the whole range of emotions. But something was different this time. I WANTED to try. I wanted to give this guy a chance. Even when I pulled some of my bratty stunts, he stuck around. Even when I told him about my past and warned him repeatedly that I am damaged goods, he just smiled at me and didn’t think twice about getting involved with me. We have been through some ups and downs this past year, growing pains I like to call them. And I’m sure these will continue. But I’m excited about our life together. He has brought such joy and happiness into my life.
So moving in him and getting an apartment, all that, it’s a big deal to me! But I’m not going to lie. I’m sure this will prove to be difficult for me for a while. I’ve lived by myself for most of my adult life, I’m very set in my ways, have very specific ideas of how things should be, slightly OCD about clutter, etc. And to be honest, I’m kind of selfish. I’ve done what I want when I want how I want for the longest time. So having to consider someone else, well…it takes time. But I’m going to keep praying and keep giving it my all and I know we are going to be so happy together.
Thank you Jerod for taking a chance on me. Thank you for being my best friend and always supporting me and being by my side. I love you more than words can express and I am so excited to begin the next chapter in our lives!
Title Disclosure: This is a song by Rascall Flatts. The lyric is “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.” That’s exactly what I feel happened with us. Neither of us was looking for love that day we started talking. Here are some of the other lyrics that really resonate with me: “I got lost a time or two”, “every long lost dream”, “others who broke my heart”, “it’s all part of a grander plan” - I get chill bumps everytime I hear that song, it really is beautiful. I was damaged, but God can turn damaged into beautiful, and the love between Jerod and I is beautiful. He has had his own struggles and tribulations through life, but that’s his story to tell, and us being together is a testament to God’s amazing plan.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Pictures of You...
I hope you all had a lovely weekend! I know I certainly did!
Jerod and I had dinner Friday night and he left Saturday morning to pick up his two daughters. I ran some errands Saturday. I hit the Coppell Farmer’s Market for some produce and the most amazing organic milk. I went and checked out one more apartment after that, so hopefully I should know where our new home is sometime in the next week or so! I also went to grocery store as I am back on my Carb Lover’s Diet - breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks! I came home and made myself lunch following the plan: pumpernickel bread, roast beef, goat cheese, lettuce, roasted red peppers, and a bit of balsalmic vinagerette on top. It sounds like an odd combo, but it was delicious, I also enjoyed a farm fresh peach and a few strawberries.
Carb Lovin’ It
This morning, I had this for breakfast - on the plan too! 2 cups of Special K, 1 cup of blueberries, and 1 cup of milk. The farm fresh milk tastes so delicious in cereal.
For lunch, I am enjoying a nice large chopped salad. The ingredients are: salad greens, red cabbage, shredded carrots, dried cranberries, walnuts, parmesan cheese, garbanzo beans, and balsalmic vinagerette.
I really enjoy this meal plan because, for the most part, the recipes are things I would eat anyway, just portion-controlled with some healthier substitutions. I’m making a three-bean soup for dinner tonight!
Ladies Who Brunch
Sunday, I was so lucky to have brunch with some of the most amazing women I have ever met. We met at Blue Mesa Café in Southlake. We all got together around Thanksgiving and again at Christmas and I just enjoy it so much. We all know each other from high school, some I met in middle school, that’s like 20 years ago. Tami brought her amazing son Chance and Heather brought her twins, Rhett and Ryder. Our next get together could include another baby boy! Brook has just two and a half weeks to go! We had such a fun time and talked non-stop. These girls have been with me through everything and I know if I ever needed anything, they would line up to help and the same goes for them. They each hold a very special place in my heart. Let me introduce them to you, from left to right….
Heather
Heather and I have been BFFEs since 7th grade! During the summers, we practically lived at each others’ houses. Heather is still to this day the absolute sweetest person I have ever met. She is such a giving and loving person. Seeing her with her sweet babies just warms my heart. Those babies are so lucky to have her for a mom! I can't wait to be a part of their lives and be their Auntie Nicki.
Ginger
Ginger and I have been great friends since middle school as well. We have always had lots in common. The main thing was soccer! We played on the Ponies 80 soccer for years and years together. Some of the most fun I have ever had was playing in soccer tournaments. We also always seemed to have the same classes too and had a friendly rivalry over grades - yep - nerds back then too! Ginger is also one to give me a reality check when I need it - she knows me really well!
Tami
Funny story - I was Tami’s tag-a-long the first time she really hung out with her now husband back in ’99, I think? I remember her telling me she met some guy where she worked and she dragged me to a pool party he had - the rest was history and they have been together ever since. One of the things I love about Tami - what you see is what you get - Tami is who she is and does not worry about what other people think. She is also an amazing testament to the grace of God.
Sarah
I met Sarah in high school, freshman volleyball I believe. We grew to be quick friends and I think I spent the majority of my weekends freshman year of high school at her house. Sarah and her husband Dylan have been together since she was 16, almost half her life - which blows my mind! Sarah is so very thoughtful and so much fun to be around.
Brook
I met Brook in middle school and she has been one of my greatest friends since. Brook and I have been through so much together. She is one of the most level-headed, laid-back people I have ever met. She has such a good head on her shoulders. Brook has never ever judged me and always loved me for who I am. I’m so excited to meet her little one that’s on they way!
Michelle
I met Michelle freshman year of high school and we lived right around the corner from each other. Random memory - concrete was poured on her sidewalk, so of course we had to put our initials in - but then they came back and re-poured, so we re-initialized, I’m not sure how many times this happened and cannot remember to this day if it’s still there? Michelle and I rode to school a lot together and were quite fond of the song…”Planet Soul”…look it up…classic! Michelle is what I consider an Everything Woman. She truly amazes me. She has a loving marriage (her and her husband started dating in 6th grade!), she is truly a woman of God, has two adorable and well-rounded kiddos, and a successful career. I think I know who my life mentor should be!
Here are some additional photos from brunch, basically we played “Pass the Baby”.
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| Ginger and Tami's little man - Chance! |
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| Michelle and one of the twins - Rhett! |
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| Ginger and another twin - Ryder! |
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| Tami and her little miracle - he's amazing! |
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| Me and Rhett! He was so cuddly! |
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| SUPER MOM Heather - feeding both babies at once. She's incredible! |
Sunday
Here are a few photos from Family Game Day at Grandma’s on Sunday. We had a shrimp boil and it was delicious! My cousin Brandon was in town, so that was definitely a treat to spend time with him!
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| Before... |
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| Shrimp, sausage, corn, and potatoes |
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| Delicious! |
Reading
I finished A Deadly Secret by Matt Birkbeck. It's the book about the crime that the movie All Good Things was based on. Quite disturbing actually, but I like a good true crime novel every now and then.
I've been wanting to read some of Chelsea Handler's books and Amazon has My Horizonal Life for $1.99. She's hilarious and I for sure have to read more of her books.
I am really enjoying the book I am reading now. I will tell you more about it when I finish.
Ps…I bought the Tom’s shoes I have been eyeing. And they are totally worth it. So comfortable, I think I could live in them!
Title Disclosure: This is the title to one of my all-time favorite songs by the Cure. It was on their Disintegration album released in 1990, gulp...wow, I'm old! I think it's a really beautiful song.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, Bloody Sunday...
I have had a delightful weekend thus far. Three day weekends are the best!
I started the weekend off by leaving work a bit early on Friday and getting a pedi at the Hawaiian Nail Bar - I chose the Milk & Honey this time, pure bliss! I have known for a while that a restaurant in Arlington called Candlelite Inn would be going up for auction in June. It is kind of an Arlington institution, apparently been around since 1957. The food is sub-par, but you do not necessarily go there for the food. Once Jerod disclosed this news to his parents, they said it was the location of their first date, so we met them there for dinner on Friday. I absolutely adore his parents, I will proud to call them in-laws some day. We came home and watched the Hangover in anticipation for our viewing of the Hangover 2 tomorrow.
Home Sweet Home
Saturday we went to look at apartments. We went to 5 complexes I believe. We LOVED the first one and will not be surprised if that's the place we call home for the next several years. However, I am trying to be reasonable and will still consider a few other options before making a final decision.
We also watched 2 movies.
Little Fockers
This movie was pretty much what I expected. I had several laughs but nothing earth-shattering. I wanted to watch a comedy and this movie fit the bill just fine.
The Mechanic
I remember seeing the trailer for this film. And then when it came out on DVD, I thought it might be a movie Jerod would enjoy - lots of action and shoot 'em up. So, my expectations were quite low. However, I was very pleasantly surprised. This was a bad ass movie. I really enjoyed the plot and all the action. And ladies, go ahead and recommend this to your guy, the lead in the movie, Jason Statham, is extremely easy on the eyes.
Sunday
Jerod and I have pretty different tastes in films. I tried to watch Blue Valentine with him and he was just not into it. So, I knew when several films came out on DVD, he would just not be into watching them. So, I sent him home this morning so I could have my Nicole movie watching extravaganza. Here are my thoughts...
All Good Things
This film is based upon a real-life story occurring between 1971-2002. It would be classified (according to me) as a suspenseful romance. It stars Ryan Gosling and Kirsten Dunst. This film was wonderfully twisted and suspenseful. I very much enjoyed it. The acting was superb. Ryan Gosling has very much impressed me with his range. I thought he was dreamy in The Notebook and he played a very strong character in Blue Valentine. This film showed a whole new dimension of him. And Kirsten Dunst - WOW! I wrote her off years ago. But she played her character beautifully. I highly recommend this film. In fact, well, this should surprise no one, but I sought out the book written about the crime that this film was based upon and plan to begin reading it after I finish this blog post.
Somewhere
This is a film, well, it's hard to explain. If you watch this film, I highly recommend viewing the "Making Of" first. This is a film by Sofia Coppola, daughter of Francis Ford Copolla. She also directed Lost in Translation. This is a film I consider a snapshot in time. There is not a lot of background information, so it is open to interpretation. Like Lost in Translation, this film is shot beautifully. It is truly a work of art. There is not a lot of background music or distractions, the film very much is what it is. And what is, a snapshot of a Hollywood "bad boy" portrayed brilliantly by Stephen Dorff. Circumstances bring his 11 year old daughter, played by Elle Fanning, into his life as he has never experienced before. I love that this film feels very genuine, not forced like many films feel. I highly recommend this film as well.
Rabbit Hole
This film is very complex first of all. It stars Nicole Kidman (who I am not a fan of) and Aaron Eckhart (I like him). They portray a married couple that lost their son 8 months ago prior in a car accident. Sandra Oh is also in the film, and I love her, so this film gains points there. To lose a child... I could not imagine a worse hell. I heard somewhere, possibly in a movie, that to lose a spouse, you become a widow or widower, but there is no identifying name when you lose a child because it is too f&$ked up to discuss. This film illustrates how people deal with grief and pain differently and on so many levels. It is a good film, but certainly not heart-warming.
The Other Woman
I was not sure what this film was about when I Redbox-ed it. I thought it was another story about adultery and betrayal. It is, to some degree, but it is so much more. It stars Natalie Portman, an actress that I love. She has such an amazing sense of style. Lauren Ambrose is in this film. I LOVE LOVE LOVE her from one of my all-time favorite television shows, Six Feet Under. I cried when that show ended, not just because of the beautiful ending, but because the characters that I grew to love ended. This movie also stars Lisa Kudrow. For the most part, I will always see her as Phoebe, but wow, her character in this film is a ball-busting biatchPortman's character is very vulnerable, much like her character in Closer
one of my favorite films. Her character in this film plays a stepmother trying to find her way in the life of her stepson. This hits a bit close to home. Jerod has 2 daughters that will become my stepdaughters once we are married. They live quite far away, so developing a close relationship will prove to be difficult. Nonetheless, it is scary to think that once we say "I do", two darling little girls will become part of my family. I think this is an incredible film and highly recommend it.
Previews
I have always loved independent films, but watching the trailer for a few upcoming ones has peaked my interest even more. Especially since 2 of them: they are French films with English subtitles. Those are: Ricky - very intriguing, but a bit odd and The Beautiful Person - a film that seems to be about lust, obsession, and desire.
Hilarity Ensues
This films brings together an incredible ensemble cast for what I imagine will be an amazing film - Peep World . Sarah Silverman, Rainn Wilson, Michael C. Hall, Judy Greer, Ron Rifkin - need I say more??
Reading....
I will be starting the above-mentioned book based on All Good Things. But I just finished a book called The Heart of Memory by Alison Strobel. It is a Christian Fiction novel, which I enjoy reading from time to time, about faith.
I want to thank everyone that has served our country in the name of freedom, that's what this weekend is about. Enjoy your Memorial Day everyone! Jerod and I plan to go see the Hangover 2.
Title Disclosure: This is the opening track on U2's 1983 album WAR. Per Wikipedia, its lyrics describe the horror felt by an observer of the Troubles in Northern Ireland, mainly focusing on the Bloody Sunday incident in Derry where British troops shot and killed unarmed civil rights protesters and bystanders.
I started the weekend off by leaving work a bit early on Friday and getting a pedi at the Hawaiian Nail Bar - I chose the Milk & Honey this time, pure bliss! I have known for a while that a restaurant in Arlington called Candlelite Inn would be going up for auction in June. It is kind of an Arlington institution, apparently been around since 1957. The food is sub-par, but you do not necessarily go there for the food. Once Jerod disclosed this news to his parents, they said it was the location of their first date, so we met them there for dinner on Friday. I absolutely adore his parents, I will proud to call them in-laws some day. We came home and watched the Hangover in anticipation for our viewing of the Hangover 2 tomorrow.
Home Sweet Home
Saturday we went to look at apartments. We went to 5 complexes I believe. We LOVED the first one and will not be surprised if that's the place we call home for the next several years. However, I am trying to be reasonable and will still consider a few other options before making a final decision.
We also watched 2 movies.
Little Fockers
This movie was pretty much what I expected. I had several laughs but nothing earth-shattering. I wanted to watch a comedy and this movie fit the bill just fine.
The Mechanic
I remember seeing the trailer for this film. And then when it came out on DVD, I thought it might be a movie Jerod would enjoy - lots of action and shoot 'em up. So, my expectations were quite low. However, I was very pleasantly surprised. This was a bad ass movie. I really enjoyed the plot and all the action. And ladies, go ahead and recommend this to your guy, the lead in the movie, Jason Statham, is extremely easy on the eyes.
Sunday
Jerod and I have pretty different tastes in films. I tried to watch Blue Valentine with him and he was just not into it. So, I knew when several films came out on DVD, he would just not be into watching them. So, I sent him home this morning so I could have my Nicole movie watching extravaganza. Here are my thoughts...
All Good Things
This film is based upon a real-life story occurring between 1971-2002. It would be classified (according to me) as a suspenseful romance. It stars Ryan Gosling and Kirsten Dunst. This film was wonderfully twisted and suspenseful. I very much enjoyed it. The acting was superb. Ryan Gosling has very much impressed me with his range. I thought he was dreamy in The Notebook and he played a very strong character in Blue Valentine. This film showed a whole new dimension of him. And Kirsten Dunst - WOW! I wrote her off years ago. But she played her character beautifully. I highly recommend this film. In fact, well, this should surprise no one, but I sought out the book written about the crime that this film was based upon and plan to begin reading it after I finish this blog post.
Somewhere
This is a film, well, it's hard to explain. If you watch this film, I highly recommend viewing the "Making Of" first. This is a film by Sofia Coppola, daughter of Francis Ford Copolla. She also directed Lost in Translation. This is a film I consider a snapshot in time. There is not a lot of background information, so it is open to interpretation. Like Lost in Translation, this film is shot beautifully. It is truly a work of art. There is not a lot of background music or distractions, the film very much is what it is. And what is, a snapshot of a Hollywood "bad boy" portrayed brilliantly by Stephen Dorff. Circumstances bring his 11 year old daughter, played by Elle Fanning, into his life as he has never experienced before. I love that this film feels very genuine, not forced like many films feel. I highly recommend this film as well.
Rabbit Hole
This film is very complex first of all. It stars Nicole Kidman (who I am not a fan of) and Aaron Eckhart (I like him). They portray a married couple that lost their son 8 months ago prior in a car accident. Sandra Oh is also in the film, and I love her, so this film gains points there. To lose a child... I could not imagine a worse hell. I heard somewhere, possibly in a movie, that to lose a spouse, you become a widow or widower, but there is no identifying name when you lose a child because it is too f&$ked up to discuss. This film illustrates how people deal with grief and pain differently and on so many levels. It is a good film, but certainly not heart-warming.
The Other Woman
I was not sure what this film was about when I Redbox-ed it. I thought it was another story about adultery and betrayal. It is, to some degree, but it is so much more. It stars Natalie Portman, an actress that I love. She has such an amazing sense of style. Lauren Ambrose is in this film. I LOVE LOVE LOVE her from one of my all-time favorite television shows, Six Feet Under. I cried when that show ended, not just because of the beautiful ending, but because the characters that I grew to love ended. This movie also stars Lisa Kudrow. For the most part, I will always see her as Phoebe, but wow, her character in this film is a ball-busting biatchPortman's character is very vulnerable, much like her character in Closer
one of my favorite films. Her character in this film plays a stepmother trying to find her way in the life of her stepson. This hits a bit close to home. Jerod has 2 daughters that will become my stepdaughters once we are married. They live quite far away, so developing a close relationship will prove to be difficult. Nonetheless, it is scary to think that once we say "I do", two darling little girls will become part of my family. I think this is an incredible film and highly recommend it.
Previews
I have always loved independent films, but watching the trailer for a few upcoming ones has peaked my interest even more. Especially since 2 of them: they are French films with English subtitles. Those are: Ricky - very intriguing, but a bit odd and The Beautiful Person - a film that seems to be about lust, obsession, and desire.
Hilarity Ensues
This films brings together an incredible ensemble cast for what I imagine will be an amazing film - Peep World . Sarah Silverman, Rainn Wilson, Michael C. Hall, Judy Greer, Ron Rifkin - need I say more??
Reading....
I will be starting the above-mentioned book based on All Good Things. But I just finished a book called The Heart of Memory by Alison Strobel. It is a Christian Fiction novel, which I enjoy reading from time to time, about faith.
I want to thank everyone that has served our country in the name of freedom, that's what this weekend is about. Enjoy your Memorial Day everyone! Jerod and I plan to go see the Hangover 2.
Title Disclosure: This is the opening track on U2's 1983 album WAR. Per Wikipedia, its lyrics describe the horror felt by an observer of the Troubles in Northern Ireland, mainly focusing on the Bloody Sunday incident in Derry where British troops shot and killed unarmed civil rights protesters and bystanders.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
She's just a small town girl...
Last Sunday, one my best friends, Cindy and I enjoyed Rock of Ages Sunday Funday! I remember when this show came out on Broadway and I wanted to see it extremely bad, but I was already back in DFW at that time. So I was elated to see it would be in Dallas and I got great seats through my company.
We started the day off at Jorge's. I had their brisket tacos, not the best I have ever had (shout-out to Mia's on that one). Then we had more time to kill, so we went to Fedora for dessert. It has been quite some time since I've been downtown, so I was amazed by all the development, especially in the name of art.
The show itself was AWESOME! It was everything I wanted it to be: cheesy, over-the-top, radical, I loved it! The venue was amazing, it was at the AT&T Winspear. During our backstage tour (photos below), the stage manager told us that it is designed like a traditional European Opera House with the horseshoe shape. Also, the orchestra pit is the second largest in North America, holding 300 musicians, just behind the Met in New York. Now I am yearning to see an opera. I took lots of photos, see the captions for the details!
They invited those from my company in attendance on a backstage tour!!!
Apparently, a space of wall is "dedicated" for each show coming through this venue. Usually a work of art surrounded by signatures of the actors. SO NEAT!
We had a really amazing time. I think there might be a few shows left here in Dallas. I highly recommend it. It's a bit racy but super fun. Also, there is a Rock of Ages movie in production which I am now super amped to see. Tom Cruise, Catherine Zeta Jones, Julianne Hough are all involved to name a few.
I am looking forward to a LONG weekend, hopefully beginning tomorrow around 2P with a pedi for me. We do not have hardly any plans. Apartment shopping on Saturday, possibly catching the Hangover II (after I re-watch the first one). I also plan to have a "Nicole" movie marathon, there are like 4 movies I want to see, so I will be hitting Red Box!
Have a wonderful and SAFE weekend everyone!
Title Disclosure: If you read the title and the next words that come out of you mouth aren't...living in a lonely world...where have you been? Classic Journey song. Probably the #1 drunk karaoke song of all-time. It was popular probably when it came out originally, not sure when that was...but it became "hot" again when it was played during the last scene of the Sopranos finale. AND...Jerod and I are going to see Journey, Foreigner, and Night Ranger in September..woohoo!!!
We started the day off at Jorge's. I had their brisket tacos, not the best I have ever had (shout-out to Mia's on that one). Then we had more time to kill, so we went to Fedora for dessert. It has been quite some time since I've been downtown, so I was amazed by all the development, especially in the name of art.
The show itself was AWESOME! It was everything I wanted it to be: cheesy, over-the-top, radical, I loved it! The venue was amazing, it was at the AT&T Winspear. During our backstage tour (photos below), the stage manager told us that it is designed like a traditional European Opera House with the horseshoe shape. Also, the orchestra pit is the second largest in North America, holding 300 musicians, just behind the Met in New York. Now I am yearning to see an opera. I took lots of photos, see the captions for the details!
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| Cindy and I at Fedora! |
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| The amazing chandelier (sp?) at the venue, it looks like fireworks! And the lights retract into the ceiling - super cool!! |
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| The stage |
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| The terrace seats |
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| Q&A with REO Speedwagon after the show!!! That's Constantine from American Idol on the left, swoon.... |
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| Bo & Jim (local DJs) conducted the Q&A, Constantine again on the right! |
They invited those from my company in attendance on a backstage tour!!!
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| Actual backstage at the venue |
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| Stuff from the set |
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| We were ON STAGE! So cool. No idea who those people are by the way. |
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| Close-up of the set door |
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| I loved all the details |
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| This was on set. I thought the Constantine sticker was cool, cause it's Constantine in the show but not as Constantine. Whatever, I was amused :) |
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| Slurpees! Official stage props! |
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| The 80s memorabilia was greatness! |
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| More awesome-ness |
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| These guys were in the show |
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| Close-up of the bar |
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| Stuff from backstage |
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| The loading dock for all the productions |
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| Kristen Chenowith from Wicked and Glee! EEEEEE!!! |
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| Rock of Ages "art" waiting for signatures |
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| This one was super cool, 3D wall art. |
We had a really amazing time. I think there might be a few shows left here in Dallas. I highly recommend it. It's a bit racy but super fun. Also, there is a Rock of Ages movie in production which I am now super amped to see. Tom Cruise, Catherine Zeta Jones, Julianne Hough are all involved to name a few.
I am looking forward to a LONG weekend, hopefully beginning tomorrow around 2P with a pedi for me. We do not have hardly any plans. Apartment shopping on Saturday, possibly catching the Hangover II (after I re-watch the first one). I also plan to have a "Nicole" movie marathon, there are like 4 movies I want to see, so I will be hitting Red Box!
Have a wonderful and SAFE weekend everyone!
Title Disclosure: If you read the title and the next words that come out of you mouth aren't...living in a lonely world...where have you been? Classic Journey song. Probably the #1 drunk karaoke song of all-time. It was popular probably when it came out originally, not sure when that was...but it became "hot" again when it was played during the last scene of the Sopranos finale. AND...Jerod and I are going to see Journey, Foreigner, and Night Ranger in September..woohoo!!!
Friday, May 20, 2011
A heart is not judged by how much you love...
but by how much you are loved by others....
I want to thank you all for your kind and supportive regarding my blog a few posts back. It is a bit scary to put yourself out there like that, but it was cathartic as well. I felt so ashamed and scared to reveal the truth for so long...but if my experience could help just one person, it's more than worth it. I was put on this Earth to glorify God and serve others, and I really need to work on that last part more often.
In the Merry Old Land of Oz
Mom and I had a "date day" last Saturday. We had so much fun! We started at Mellow Mushroom off University in Fort Worth. We had the Magical Mystery Tour - I highly recommend it, so delicious! Then we went to this awesome boutique called Stella's right down the street (thanks for the recommendation Brook!). We found some beautiful hand-made jewelry. Every time I am in Fort Worth, it makes me want to move there! I love that area! Then we went to see the Wizard of Oz at Casa Manana. We very much enjoyed it, the performers were extremely talented. I am looking forward to some of the upcoming shows at the Childrens' Theatre in 2012, especially Alice in Wonderland! They are also doing To Kill a Mockingbird, Rent, and Cash - Ring of Fire. I am seriously considering season tickets.
Work
These past few weeks have been crazy at work...more so, there is a lot of crazy in my group. The opportunity I was discussing for a while was a lateral move to a different area of tax. The higher-ups decided that the position would not require a full-time person, but hopefully I can split my time between groups. I'm kind of bummed, but I'm thankful to have a job, so I cannot complain too loudly. We will see what happens.
I have lots of stuff planned for this weekend...but the most exciting is what I'm calling...Rock of Ages Sunday!!!
Oh! I finished reading Water for Elephants, I LOVED it! And the movie did a pretty good job of following the book for the most part. I'm reading another bargain Kindle book right now. I watched Blue Valentine last weekend also. It was painful and heart-wrenching to watch. But I am really glad I saw it. It was extremely well-made. I watched the special feature "making of" the movie before and Michelle Williams has been involved in this project for 6 years. A month before they began filming, Michelle Williams, Ryan Gosling, and the girl that played their daughter all lived in the house - their family home. They developed relationships, worked on their characters, etc. I immediately texted Jerod and told him that we can never ever ever ever fall out of love.
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!
Title Disclosure: The quote is from the Wizard of Oz movie and is said by the Wizard himself.
I want to thank you all for your kind and supportive regarding my blog a few posts back. It is a bit scary to put yourself out there like that, but it was cathartic as well. I felt so ashamed and scared to reveal the truth for so long...but if my experience could help just one person, it's more than worth it. I was put on this Earth to glorify God and serve others, and I really need to work on that last part more often.
In the Merry Old Land of Oz
Mom and I had a "date day" last Saturday. We had so much fun! We started at Mellow Mushroom off University in Fort Worth. We had the Magical Mystery Tour - I highly recommend it, so delicious! Then we went to this awesome boutique called Stella's right down the street (thanks for the recommendation Brook!). We found some beautiful hand-made jewelry. Every time I am in Fort Worth, it makes me want to move there! I love that area! Then we went to see the Wizard of Oz at Casa Manana. We very much enjoyed it, the performers were extremely talented. I am looking forward to some of the upcoming shows at the Childrens' Theatre in 2012, especially Alice in Wonderland! They are also doing To Kill a Mockingbird, Rent, and Cash - Ring of Fire. I am seriously considering season tickets.
Work
These past few weeks have been crazy at work...more so, there is a lot of crazy in my group. The opportunity I was discussing for a while was a lateral move to a different area of tax. The higher-ups decided that the position would not require a full-time person, but hopefully I can split my time between groups. I'm kind of bummed, but I'm thankful to have a job, so I cannot complain too loudly. We will see what happens.
I have lots of stuff planned for this weekend...but the most exciting is what I'm calling...Rock of Ages Sunday!!!
Oh! I finished reading Water for Elephants, I LOVED it! And the movie did a pretty good job of following the book for the most part. I'm reading another bargain Kindle book right now. I watched Blue Valentine last weekend also. It was painful and heart-wrenching to watch. But I am really glad I saw it. It was extremely well-made. I watched the special feature "making of" the movie before and Michelle Williams has been involved in this project for 6 years. A month before they began filming, Michelle Williams, Ryan Gosling, and the girl that played their daughter all lived in the house - their family home. They developed relationships, worked on their characters, etc. I immediately texted Jerod and told him that we can never ever ever ever fall out of love.
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!
Title Disclosure: The quote is from the Wizard of Oz movie and is said by the Wizard himself.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Beauty School Dropout...
So...
I went to get my hair done last night, here is the result...
So, my hair was a success, my other endeavor, not so much. Time for a game..I am going to show you two photos and you get to guess what I woke up to this morning...
Have a fantastic weekend everyone!
Title Disclosure: From the movie, Grease!
I went to get my hair done last night, here is the result...
 |
| Not that much different, just a bit shorter and more layers |
So, my hair was a success, my other endeavor, not so much. Time for a game..I am going to show you two photos and you get to guess what I woke up to this morning...
 |
| Exhibit A |
 |
| Exhibit B |
Have a fantastic weekend everyone!
Title Disclosure: From the movie, Grease!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
People, Places, and Things...
I heard a song yesterday that made my body tense up for a second. It was completely involuntary and this happens somewhat frequently. But also with certain movies, people, situations, really anything....
How the hell did this happen?
Addiction truly is a disease. It took me a long time to accept that. I felt that by "blaming" the disease, I was trying to get off the hook. Everyone has the free-will to pick up a drink, a cigarette, a drug, what have you. The difference for addicts (which is what I am, I may be a recovering addict, but I will always be an addict) is when it becomes excessive. I read somewhere that addiction is due 50 percent to genetic predisposition and 50 percent to poor coping skills. I wondered how I became the way I was. My parents are not addicts, I never saw them drink, my mother smoked which I think was why I found it acceptable to be a smoker for so many years - but they certainly never set a bad example for me for the most part. I'm sure down the line, we may have had some addiction issues in the family, but I suppose it just was not discussed for the most part. And poor coping skills...uhhh..ya think??
Wiring
Addicts are wired differently. I still think about drinking and doing drugs. Sometimes not for weeks, but sometimes daily. And when I say drink, I don't mean a glass of wine or a few cocktails, I mean drinking alcoholically. If I drink, it must be in a very controlled environment and manner. Once I kicked the coke (my drug of choice), I replaced drugs with alcohol. You see, addiction is addiction is addiction. You are satisfying that pleasure center in your brain and the substance is really moot at that point. I began drinking alcoholically, basically like an addict. The old adage is so true that you hear in AA, "one drink/line is too many, a hundred is never enough". That means that it takes just one to relapse. However, your addiction never truly "goes away". Meaning, your tolerance never really ceases. So, I have been clean from coke for 3 years - there is no way I could just casually do a line, my body would crave the excesses of my past life.
Today
My life today is so much different than it was even a year ago. God has blessed me more than I ever could have imagined. But addiction is a tricky character. With the weather getting nicer (not today's torrential downpour of course), the first thing my mind/body thinks is that this is great patio drinking weather. My head thankfully follows that thought through to what uncontrolled drinking looks like for me. Hint: NOT PRETTY. That's just how my brain is wired. Thankfully, I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on controlled drinking. For the most part, I usually just abstain. I am rarely ever in bars and the friends I have chosen to surround myself with are not party-ers, so drinking to excess is never even a thought. I just always have to be self-aware. Always self aware. For example, Saturday, I attended an event at a winery. I had 2 glasses of wine and consciously stopped myself because could have easily drank more.
White Lines
Drugs, on the other hand, are a completely different story. Controlled using would never be an option for me. In fact, I am very much aware that using to any degree could kill me. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I could be in the same room with it. It being cocaine. I used to feel such joy and this excitement pounding through my body when I knew it would soon be in my clutches. I read somewhere that addiction can permanently rewire your brain, I believe it. I began to associate cocaine with pleasure. So even seeing it on TV or something similar, that excitement flows through my body. I'm not sure that will ever go away. The worst is seeing or hearing someone chopping lines. That process used to be so therapeutic. I was so methodical about it and relaxed me. All insane thoughts now, but it was true.
Day by Day
I would assume a lot of people think that once you quit drugs/drinking/insert addiction here, you are cured. I do not think you are ever 100% cured. I think it's something you always have to keep in the forefront of your mind. I would sometimes glamorize my drug days. I would remember all the good times I had with it. And I would think, surely I could just have an awesome binge one night. Thankfully, the absolute horror that I endured would quickly put things into perspective. I recently quit smoking (again). I quit for about 5 months and then started up again during provision (crazy work time). I quit again, I guess like 2 months ago. And this time it absolutely has to be for good and it will be for good. Especially if I continue to preach to both of my parents that they need to quit smoking because I want them around for a long, long time and they are no use to me dead - harsh, I know. But JoAnn and Les --- I AM TALKING TO YOU. I drank and smoked for many years. MANY YEARS. Way longer than the drug phase which was about a year and a half. So naturally, I associate drinking with smoking. And I used to LOVE to smoke. I did not really ever enjoy drinking. I enjoyed what it did for me, loosened me up, gave me an "excuse" for inappropriate behavior, etc. But being drunk and the aftermath were extremely unpleasant. Well, due to that association, I severely limit my drinking because if I have a drink, I want to smoke. And I know for a fact that I could not be a social smoker.
Stay the course
Relapse begins before you even pick you a drink or drug. A few examples of recovery possibly being compromised are: getting involved in other compulsive/obsessive behaviors (shopping, gambling, etc), being unaware of your needs/feelings and/or not meeting them, and continuing to hang around the same people and doing the same things. I believe I should have been more aware of my behaviors after my first DWI. Thankfully, I changed the group of people I hung around with. I disassociated myself with a particularly toxic individual and removed myself from a lot of situations. I got back to my roots. I lost touch or rather lost the closeness of my core group of friends I had before I moved away. I am slowly trying to rebuild those relationships back and am loving every minute of it. God placed some amazing girls in my life and I thank Him everyday. Bottom line: in some ways, it's a struggle everyday.
The Grace of God
I quit drugs cold turkey. Two of my best friends intervened and talked some sense into me and then I got my parents involved. They saved my life. I hope Brook and Ginger know that without a doubt, I would not have made it out of NYC alive without them. I hit my bottom for sure. And I was "lucky", cause some people fell much farther down or it takes much longer and an even worse trail of terror is left behind. But I don't feel like I quit drugs, the grace of God brought me to quit drugs. At that time, frankly, I was not even sure a God existed. I would pray to a "higher power" and would pray to God as well, but I had my doubts. At that point though, I was what is known as a dry drunk. This applies to drugs also, but it's the cold turkey method. Quitting your substance, but remaining active in your addiction - so never making any emotional or internal changes or changing the underlying factors that contributed to your addiction. I still had a lot of crazy going on in my head. So it was extremely easy to pick up drinking. I replaced one substance with another. I began drinking alcoholically but would placate myself by saying that I wasn't drinking everyday, etc. It took 2 DWIs in 13 months to realize that I had a drinking problem. Not the best way to find out. Essentially my down payment on a house or a very lavish wedding fund, went to attorneys, fines, classes, etc. And I'm still on probation, until next summer. Honestly, when I met Jerod, my life really turned around. God's timing is pretty amazing.
Damaged?
I'm not really sure what brought on this blog post. Maybe that I read Whitney Houston and her daughter, Bobbi Kristina, have both checked into rehab at separate locations. For a long time, I considered myself damaged. Now I consider myself lucky. God obviously has some amazing things planned for me. The statistics are scary though. Relapse statistics are highly contested and vary drastically with age, drug, etc. But the consensus is between 50% and 90% percent. Those are pretty harrowing amounts. Another scary statistic - children of drug addicts are EIGHT times more likely to develop an addiction.
Anyway, thanks for listening guys. For some reason, I felt the need to get this off my chest. I will share more of my story another time.
The work week is almost over!!!!!!!
Title Disclosure: This is a famous saying in AA. It means staying away from people, places, and things that you associate with using. For example, I do not go to bars, I cut out toxic people, the cutting of coke puts me on edge, these types of things. That can be a "trigger" and vary from person to person.
How the hell did this happen?
Addiction truly is a disease. It took me a long time to accept that. I felt that by "blaming" the disease, I was trying to get off the hook. Everyone has the free-will to pick up a drink, a cigarette, a drug, what have you. The difference for addicts (which is what I am, I may be a recovering addict, but I will always be an addict) is when it becomes excessive. I read somewhere that addiction is due 50 percent to genetic predisposition and 50 percent to poor coping skills. I wondered how I became the way I was. My parents are not addicts, I never saw them drink, my mother smoked which I think was why I found it acceptable to be a smoker for so many years - but they certainly never set a bad example for me for the most part. I'm sure down the line, we may have had some addiction issues in the family, but I suppose it just was not discussed for the most part. And poor coping skills...uhhh..ya think??
Wiring
Addicts are wired differently. I still think about drinking and doing drugs. Sometimes not for weeks, but sometimes daily. And when I say drink, I don't mean a glass of wine or a few cocktails, I mean drinking alcoholically. If I drink, it must be in a very controlled environment and manner. Once I kicked the coke (my drug of choice), I replaced drugs with alcohol. You see, addiction is addiction is addiction. You are satisfying that pleasure center in your brain and the substance is really moot at that point. I began drinking alcoholically, basically like an addict. The old adage is so true that you hear in AA, "one drink/line is too many, a hundred is never enough". That means that it takes just one to relapse. However, your addiction never truly "goes away". Meaning, your tolerance never really ceases. So, I have been clean from coke for 3 years - there is no way I could just casually do a line, my body would crave the excesses of my past life.
Today
My life today is so much different than it was even a year ago. God has blessed me more than I ever could have imagined. But addiction is a tricky character. With the weather getting nicer (not today's torrential downpour of course), the first thing my mind/body thinks is that this is great patio drinking weather. My head thankfully follows that thought through to what uncontrolled drinking looks like for me. Hint: NOT PRETTY. That's just how my brain is wired. Thankfully, I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on controlled drinking. For the most part, I usually just abstain. I am rarely ever in bars and the friends I have chosen to surround myself with are not party-ers, so drinking to excess is never even a thought. I just always have to be self-aware. Always self aware. For example, Saturday, I attended an event at a winery. I had 2 glasses of wine and consciously stopped myself because could have easily drank more.
White Lines
Drugs, on the other hand, are a completely different story. Controlled using would never be an option for me. In fact, I am very much aware that using to any degree could kill me. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I could be in the same room with it. It being cocaine. I used to feel such joy and this excitement pounding through my body when I knew it would soon be in my clutches. I read somewhere that addiction can permanently rewire your brain, I believe it. I began to associate cocaine with pleasure. So even seeing it on TV or something similar, that excitement flows through my body. I'm not sure that will ever go away. The worst is seeing or hearing someone chopping lines. That process used to be so therapeutic. I was so methodical about it and relaxed me. All insane thoughts now, but it was true.
Day by Day
I would assume a lot of people think that once you quit drugs/drinking/insert addiction here, you are cured. I do not think you are ever 100% cured. I think it's something you always have to keep in the forefront of your mind. I would sometimes glamorize my drug days. I would remember all the good times I had with it. And I would think, surely I could just have an awesome binge one night. Thankfully, the absolute horror that I endured would quickly put things into perspective. I recently quit smoking (again). I quit for about 5 months and then started up again during provision (crazy work time). I quit again, I guess like 2 months ago. And this time it absolutely has to be for good and it will be for good. Especially if I continue to preach to both of my parents that they need to quit smoking because I want them around for a long, long time and they are no use to me dead - harsh, I know. But JoAnn and Les --- I AM TALKING TO YOU. I drank and smoked for many years. MANY YEARS. Way longer than the drug phase which was about a year and a half. So naturally, I associate drinking with smoking. And I used to LOVE to smoke. I did not really ever enjoy drinking. I enjoyed what it did for me, loosened me up, gave me an "excuse" for inappropriate behavior, etc. But being drunk and the aftermath were extremely unpleasant. Well, due to that association, I severely limit my drinking because if I have a drink, I want to smoke. And I know for a fact that I could not be a social smoker.
Stay the course
Relapse begins before you even pick you a drink or drug. A few examples of recovery possibly being compromised are: getting involved in other compulsive/obsessive behaviors (shopping, gambling, etc), being unaware of your needs/feelings and/or not meeting them, and continuing to hang around the same people and doing the same things. I believe I should have been more aware of my behaviors after my first DWI. Thankfully, I changed the group of people I hung around with. I disassociated myself with a particularly toxic individual and removed myself from a lot of situations. I got back to my roots. I lost touch or rather lost the closeness of my core group of friends I had before I moved away. I am slowly trying to rebuild those relationships back and am loving every minute of it. God placed some amazing girls in my life and I thank Him everyday. Bottom line: in some ways, it's a struggle everyday.
The Grace of God
I quit drugs cold turkey. Two of my best friends intervened and talked some sense into me and then I got my parents involved. They saved my life. I hope Brook and Ginger know that without a doubt, I would not have made it out of NYC alive without them. I hit my bottom for sure. And I was "lucky", cause some people fell much farther down or it takes much longer and an even worse trail of terror is left behind. But I don't feel like I quit drugs, the grace of God brought me to quit drugs. At that time, frankly, I was not even sure a God existed. I would pray to a "higher power" and would pray to God as well, but I had my doubts. At that point though, I was what is known as a dry drunk. This applies to drugs also, but it's the cold turkey method. Quitting your substance, but remaining active in your addiction - so never making any emotional or internal changes or changing the underlying factors that contributed to your addiction. I still had a lot of crazy going on in my head. So it was extremely easy to pick up drinking. I replaced one substance with another. I began drinking alcoholically but would placate myself by saying that I wasn't drinking everyday, etc. It took 2 DWIs in 13 months to realize that I had a drinking problem. Not the best way to find out. Essentially my down payment on a house or a very lavish wedding fund, went to attorneys, fines, classes, etc. And I'm still on probation, until next summer. Honestly, when I met Jerod, my life really turned around. God's timing is pretty amazing.
Damaged?
I'm not really sure what brought on this blog post. Maybe that I read Whitney Houston and her daughter, Bobbi Kristina, have both checked into rehab at separate locations. For a long time, I considered myself damaged. Now I consider myself lucky. God obviously has some amazing things planned for me. The statistics are scary though. Relapse statistics are highly contested and vary drastically with age, drug, etc. But the consensus is between 50% and 90% percent. Those are pretty harrowing amounts. Another scary statistic - children of drug addicts are EIGHT times more likely to develop an addiction.
Anyway, thanks for listening guys. For some reason, I felt the need to get this off my chest. I will share more of my story another time.
The work week is almost over!!!!!!!
Title Disclosure: This is a famous saying in AA. It means staying away from people, places, and things that you associate with using. For example, I do not go to bars, I cut out toxic people, the cutting of coke puts me on edge, these types of things. That can be a "trigger" and vary from person to person.
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